38 weeks – Anxiety & Insomnia


It would be ironic that my first real post is when my baby boy is due to be born real soon… and by real soon, I mean, our C-Section  has been scheduled to be a week from now at 39 weeks on the 24th of December 2016. 

While I stare at this empty baby cot that my dear sweet husband has kindly set up beside me, reality is beginning to sink in. I will soon be able to hold and kiss my little bundle of joy. That one little soul who has been kicking and squirming inside me for the past 8 months. Not to mention his adorable daily hiccups that makes my belly jiggle! 🤗

It’s one thing to be physically prepared like preparing baby outfits, shower accessories, swaddles and diapers, yet it is the mental preparation that is unconsciously causing me sleepless nights. 

Fear? What’s there to fear? A tiny human being entrusted into your care for the rest of his life and you have no experience in dealing with a baby. For a first time mother like me, I’m grateful that I have a very supportive husband and family network to help me out. Not many are as lucky and I can only imagine the stress and anxiety a mum-to-be in that situation goes through. 

We have found a name for our baby boy and family have been addressing him by it. As I am half Chinese/ half Malay Muslim and my husband is a Chinese Muslim convert, we wanted a name that is meaningful from the Quran yet at the same time, can pass off as an English name. A secret we shall keep till he is born into this world 😘 His Chinese name will be given once he is born. 

Having the best medical support within our means, we chose Dr Jazlan Joosoph from Raffles Medical Hospital, Singapore. 

Long story cut short, I was diagnosed with teratoma (a growth in the ovary that is made up of cells from other parts of the body – mine was hair and skin) in February this year. I had it removed by a doctor from Raffles Women’s Centre / Hospital via keyhole surgery. Two months later, found out I was pregnant and we returned to Raffles Hospital as my records would be easily accessible. Didn’t like the previous doctor, so switched to Dr Tony Tan. 2 bi-monthly visits later at the dating scan, he said that my EDD of 1st Jan 2017 will be during the time he is on vacation. Recommended us to choose a different doctor and Dr Jazlan was our choice. 

If you wanted a really nice, caring doctor, I think we have found the right one for us. My husband is very particular about the confidence a doctor exudes as we will be looking to his guidance in the most vulnerable time of our lives. Trust me, if you preggy ladies feel helpless sometimes, your husbands feel worst. They hate seeing their lovely queen in discomfort or pain and not being able to do anything to alleviate it or make you feel all good again. 

Dr Jazlan is very active in the community especially for the Malays and Muslims. You can google him and there are many articles published about his work and contributions to the society. He even has a tv series on Mediacorp’s Suria channel called “Belaian Jiwa” that focuses on problematic pregnancies. 

Rather than following blindly to all those free advice people love to give to pregnant ladies, Dr Jazlan was very patient at answering my endless queries ranging from the medical to religious nature. Hubby and I trusted his advice and shared what we learnt with our families so that they would understand our decision/s.  I watched plenty of YouTube as well such as “One born every minute” or “Midwives” and weekly progress updates from  “What to Expect”. Helpful for me so that when the time comes, I am as prepared as I can possible be. 

Sleepless nights there have been a few too many. Hubby pointed out that unconsciously I am probably a little nervous as the date is drawing near. He’s right. I can stay awake all night watching him sleep. And then doze off for a few hours in the day and repeating the entire cycle all over again. The dreams are vivid, more emotional than pre-pregnancy. 

On a lighter note, Preggy ladies, get used to random people doing the following:

1. Touching your belly. Even strangers or people whom I have just met would rub my belly like a crystal ball. It’s like my belly does not need any personal space or approval for random hands to carresss it. 

2. Apart from #1, there are plenty who love to guess the gender of your baby just by touching or looking. I have learnt to just play along with this and wait for them to finish guessing. Haha 

3. The amount of advice you receive can be overwhelming. I didn’t ask for it.  They assume they needed to download whatever knowledge they had on me. Some were good. Some were questionable. All I can say is ” the most expensive advice is free” since talk is cheap. Just do what I did and check in with your doctor. 

4. Standard questions like, when is your EDD? You going for natural birth? No?! Why??? Breech cause baby wants to sit in there like a boss? Recovery will be slow and painful. 

Or it could go like this

When is your EDD? You going for natural birth? Yes?! Are you going to opt for epidural? It’s so much better to get it the moment you step into the hospital  OR do it as natural as you can and bring on the pain! haha 

5.  Not all the stuff are bad. I get special VIP treatment when people notice my belly. There are kind people out there who will give way to me or make way so that I can move without bumping into stuff. I have family and friends who become my personal bodyguard when I go about crowded places making sure my every whim and fancy was met. I will surely miss this once my prince is out of my belly. 

Its 3 am and I need to force myself to sleep. In 7 hours time, we will be at Dr Jazlan’s office for our weekly scan. Doubt that baby will turn head down as I can still feel his head high up near my diaphragm. Till next time! 


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